5-3-09

Here lately I am becoming more and more upset with myself when it comes to Gavin and his autism.  I know that going though the divorce is causing most of my feeling.  Because of all the thinking I have to do about that it’s hard to have the patience to deal with Gavin.  If it wasn’t for my mom and Paul (especially Paul) I don’t know what I would do.  The reason I say especially Paul is b/c him and Gavin have seemed to just bond they clicked almost instantly.  It may have been Gavin’s hunger for a male role model, some one to look up too.  Paul makes sure Gavin knows that he understands him and that is something that for a long time it was only me.  It is nice to have the help that I have always wanted for him.  But I am going to have to learn to not feel guilty.  From where it has always been me for everything now that I don’t have to it’s hard.  I would have to beg his father to do things with him, or take him somewhere.  Now I have someone coming to me with all these cool places and fun ideas for Gavin maybe I am the one lacking…lol.

 

Gavin has had a meltdown about every other day or so.  They don’t last long witch is good.  But still hard for me to grasp the fact that it’s not me.

I wasn’t a bad mom and raised a brat.  Its also harder for me watch him here b/c there are some many things he enjoys here and does here.  His sensory is so high. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what its like for him

Hearing and seeing everything and I mean that he hears and sees and takes in everything around him.  The thought of that alone makes my head spin. Then his inability to say what he sees or wants at times.  He has the words but for some reason when he goes to tell some one it just doesn’t come out right or it may not come out at all.  I am still in the beginnings of all this too.  He is only 5 and still jumping though the hoops.  Gavin has the potential to really make something of himself I just hope that I give him the right tools.  Well I am going to try and start journaling about him a couple of times a week so that I can track his success and learn a few things myself along the way.

 

Write soon,   Brandy